zoom zoom...

I lieu of going to Chicago to look at the 2002 Viggen I wanted, my dad talked me into going to a dealership in Milwaukee instead. There, in an attempt to talk me out of getting the Viggen Convetible, he said "look, you could lease this brand new Miata for less than they're asking for the Viggen." I bite. So I suggest we go for a test drive. That was sweet. This car is so tight. Got back to the dealership, completely in love. Guy also mentioned a pre-owned Mistubishi Eclipse Spyder. Gave that a test drive and knew it wasn't cuttin it. In short, here's my new wheels, guys. The finish is a Metallic Titanium Gray, so a little darker than that car, but otherwise same same. 6-speed beauty. Anyway, that's mine for the next 3 years, and I just thought I'd share that good news with all of you. : )

Phew!

I just finished writing my roommate letter, yes, at 3:30 AM. We have our meeting 18 hours, and I'm really not sure what to expect. I'm hoping for some change or resolution, but not holding my breath. 1300 words I crafted as well as I could, trying to be descriptive yet consice, but I still feel like I have so much more agitating me. :-/ I'll prolly have an update later, as I'm sure you're all dying to hear. Still no word on the room situation for next semester. And I'll be sure to let you, my adoring public, know when I get word on that, apparently after thanksgiving and before Christmas Break. they really narrow it down for you, don't they??

Anyway, I'm off to bed; no college quotes tonight cuz I added that stuff on the top earlier tonight, and now I'm just exhausted.

Friday

Still no sign of my replacement keyboard in my mailbox, but I sure am anxious. Copying and pasting the letter t over and over is a pain.

It's raining today and I hate rain. And wouldn't you know that I had some extra time this morning and DID my HAIR? It looked pretty good until I walked into the rain. Now it just looks like beach-hair, which I guess is okay because my hair never really does that on it's own, but it wasn't what I spen time trying to accomplish.

Anyway, I'm off to work until bar close with my summer hair. Cross your fingers for big bling for me.

Bill: "His forehead is so fucking huge. It's not even a forehead, it's more like a fivehead."

Kellie: The math is just a tool.
Keenan: My tool is broken.
Professor Brown: They have drugs for that now.

Evie: Why is there chicken in the toilet?
Alex: It's not chicken it's biscuits.
Evie: Okay then why are there BISCUITS in the toilet?
Alex: I wasn't going to eat them and the toilet looked starved.

Computer Update

Well a drive to Milwaukee and back with nothing to show for it but a full tummy, I learned my options for fixing my keyboard:

(1) Have the Apple Store order my part, drive back to Milwaukee, wait while they install it, and pay an ass-raping in labor.
(2) Order the part and attempt to install it myself for approximately the same net cost (difficult to figure gas cost).
(3) Leave it and continue to either copy-paste t's, use plus signs, or substitute underscores...basically not fix it at all.

I chose option 2. $150 and some patience for UPS/FedEx Ground later, We may have a solution...

Stay tuned.

(this blog artfully copied and pasted by yours truly for your reading ease. appreciate it.)

Sam: I fell asleep watching the History Channel.
Ann: What were you watching?
Sam: Something about World War II. And I was mad, 'cause I really wanted to see who won.

Sloan: "I'm fumbling around, using my cell phone for light, like I'm back in the Dark Ages or some shit."

Brian: You know what my goal...
Hish: To get into med school?
Brian: No, I...
Hish: Wait, you're applying to med school?
Brian: No, my goal tonight...
Hish: You're not getting into med school in one night, dude.

Lots of Bad News

I'll begin wih a quick explanaion/apology ha here will be none of he leer beween r and y in his (and possibly fuure) pos(s) because my darling roommae go my comuer we and ha paricular ky doesn' work. I know his will be a lile difficl o read. Sorry.

A more serious issue, here has been a passing of which I hink hose from Eas roy should be aware. You can view an aricle here. His wife graduaed wih my class and currenly aends Carroll College.

I also became aware, paricularly his week, how much people can suck. You hink hey are your friends, bu hen hey ransack your room looking for beef jerky ha your moher sen ha you hadn' even eaen any of ye. hey break hings and knock over everyhing in your close looking for i. hey even rummage hrough your underwear drawer, boh disurbing and absurd. o op i all off, hey leave you a noe on your compuer elling you ha hey know your mom sen beef jerky, you should sop being a bich, and you have o alk o hem in he morning or you're no longer friends. How kind, righ? Oh, bu he noe was lef on we paper hen closed inside your lapop. Now your keyboard doesn' work properly. Excellen. In addiion, you had o sleep elsewhere because he culpri decided o pass ou on YOUR bed. Lovely.

And his is only he las sraw ha broke his camel's back. Such "friends" also consume all of your food and waer, complain when i's gone, and leave you wih nohing o grab when you're running ou he door on your way o work. While you're gone, you lock he door o keep belingings safe, bu you reurn home o find your roommae...oops, "he culpri"...has lef your door wide open, V blaring, lighs all on while she's gone o a differen building enirely o ry o ge some ass from he firs guy she sees. You're hungry and ired afer work, and I've already menioned ha your food has been eaen. You're hirsy, so you look for a bole of waer -- of which you purchased he las wo CASES, and here's none lef. She drank probably all bu 7 boles, which you managed o ge (of boh cases) before she drank all ha...or hrew away a half-full bole because i was "room emperaure," a likely effec when you leave hem siing all over he room.

Bu he bigger issue, my keyboard, which has been esimaed a abou $200 o fix: her response "I'm so broke righ now." I've been rying o dry i ou using my hairdryer on he "cool" seing, She apparenly really hopes ha works, cuz she's "so poor." GE A JOB!! I reurn home from work -- which I manage o hold down successfully while sill finding ime o complee my schoolwork -- and he hair dryer is OFF! Doesn' ake a college educaion o realize here is zero drying-power in a hair dryer ha's OFF!!!

I've also had o se my compuer so ha a password has o be enered in order o use i from he screensaver because my wonderful "friends" like o mess wih hings on my compuer. hursday I reurn home from working 13 hours o find my lapop MISSING from my desk. I have a lock on he damn hing. Bu oher "friends" hough i'd be a funny joke o rummage hrough my belongings o find he key hen seal my enire compuer (wih he fucked-up keyboard and he password proecion, mind you). Funny?! No even close!

I'm sure his is difficul o read, so I'll end i. Hope your friends are beer han mine and smare han his:

Chad: Which way do I turn?
Garrett: Left you dumbass. Will and Grace would be seriously disappointed in you.
Jason: Will and Grace?
Garrett: Yeah, those explorers.
Chad: That's Lewis and Clark you dumb fuck.
Garrett: Yeah, them too.

Garrett: "It's okay man, there are plenty of girls in the lake...that swim."
(trying to console a rejected friend with mixed metaphor)

PJ: "Where are my shoes? Please give me back my shoes, I don't want to get raped."

Case of the Mundays...

So I decided to change the poll today. 83% of you voted FOR a chat function, which means 17% voted AGAINST it. Yeah, that's *cough* 5 to 1. But basically I'm too lazy to do it right now, and I really don't think anyone will use it, so I'm postponing that. New poll. Lame, but new.

I did absolutely nothing interesting today and didn't learn anything either. Typical day for me. Lunch sucked. Might go to OshKosh with Anneli in a bit, but right now I have to go get my laundry, so I'm ending this.

Dan: What language are those from?!
TA: They're Greek letters.
Dan: What Greece are those used in?!?
(Proving that math majors do not take geography)

Mark: "Writing was designed by the stupid to get the intellectuals to stop talking."

Melissa: I've got to go home, I have Calc at 8:30 in the morning.
Brock: Calculus? You don't need to go to that shit! Your not gonna grow up to be a calculator...

This Sucks

SO I know it's old news by now, but I haven't updated since, and it sucks that Bush won. A few cartoons and some words from Michael Moore, and of course the dumb college student statements.




Friday, November 5th, 2004
17 Reasons Not to Slit Your Wrists...by Michael Moore

Dear Friends,

Ok, it sucks. Really sucks. But before you go and cash it all in, let's, in the words of Monty Python, "always look on the bright side of life!" There IS some good news from Tuesday's election.

Here are 17 reasons not to slit your wrists:

1. It is against the law for George W. Bush to run for president again.

2. Bush's victory was the NARROWEST win for a sitting president since Woodrow Wilson in 1916.

3. The only age group in which the majority voted for Kerry was young adults (Kerry: 54%, Bush: 44%), proving once again that your parents are always wrong and you should never listen to them.

4. In spite of Bush's win, the majority of Americans still think the country is headed in the wrong direction (56%), think the war wasn't worth fighting (51%), and don't approve of the job George W. Bush is doing (52%). (Note to foreigners: Don't try to figure this one out. It's an American thing, like Pop Tarts.)

5. The Republicans will not have a filibuster-proof 60-seat majority in the Senate. If the Democrats do their job, Bush won't be able to pack the Supreme Court with right-wing ideologues. Did I say "if the Democrats do their job?" Um, maybe better to scratch this one.

6. Michigan voted for Kerry! So did the entire Northeast, the birthplace of our democracy. So did 6 of the 8 Great Lakes States. And the whole West Coast! Plus Hawaii. Ok, that's a start. We've got most of the fresh water, all of Broadway, and Mt. St. Helens. We can dehydrate them or bury them in lava. And no more show tunes!

7. Once again we are reminded that the buckeye is a nut, and not just any old nut -- a poisonous nut. A great nation was felled by a poisonous nut. May Ohio State pay dearly this Saturday when it faces Michigan.

8. 88% of Bush's support came from white voters. In 50 years, America will no longer have a white majority. Hey, 50 years isn't such a long time! If you're ten years old and reading this, your golden years will be truly golden and you will be well cared for in your old age.

9. Gays, thanks to the ballot measures passed on Tuesday, cannot get married in 11 new states. Thank God. Just think of all those wedding gifts we won't have to buy now.

10. Five more African Americans were elected as members of Congress, including the return of Cynthia McKinney of Georgia. It's always good to have more blacks in there fighting for us and doing the job our candidates can't.

11. The CEO of Coors was defeated for Senate in Colorado. Drink up!

12. Admit it: We like the Bush twins and we don't want them to go away.

13. At the state legislative level, Democrats picked up a net of at least 3 chambers in Tuesday's elections. Of the 98 partisan-controlled state legislative chambers (house/assembly and senate), Democrats went into the 2004 elections in control of 44 chambers, Republicans controlled 53 chambers, and 1 chamber was tied. After Tuesday, Democrats now control 47 chambers, Republicans control 49 chambers, 1 chamber is tied and 1 chamber (Montana House) is still undecided.

14. Bush is now a lame duck president. He will have no greater moment than the one he's having this week. It's all downhill for him from here on out -- and, more significantly, he's just not going to want to do all the hard work that will be expected of him. It'll be like everyone's last month in 12th grade -- you've already made it, so it's party time! Perhaps he'll treat the next four years like a permanent Friday, spending even more time at the ranch or in Kennebunkport. And why shouldn't he? He's already proved his point, avenged his father and kicked our ass.

15. Should Bush decide to show up to work and take this country down a very dark road, it is also just as likely that either of the following two scenarios will happen: a) Now that he doesn't ever need to pander to the Christian conservatives again to get elected, someone may whisper in his ear that he should spend these last four years building "a legacy" so that history will render a kinder verdict on him and thus he will not push for too aggressive a right-wing agenda; or b) He will become so cocky and arrogant -- and thus, reckless -- that he will commit a blunder of such major proportions that even his own party will have to remove him from office.

16. There are nearly 300 million Americans -- 200 million of them of voting age. We only lost by three and a half million! That's not a landslide -- it means we're almost there. Imagine losing by 20 million. If you had 58 yards to go before you reached the goal line and then you barreled down 55 of those yards, would you stop on the three yard line, pick up the ball and go home crying -- especially when you get to start the next down on the three yard line? Of course not! Buck up! Have hope! More sports analogies are coming!!!

17. Finally and most importantly, over 55 million Americans voted for the candidate dubbed "The #1 Liberal in the Senate." That's more than the total number of voters who voted for either Reagan, Bush I, Clinton or Gore. Again, more people voted for Kerry than Reagan. If the media are looking for a trend it should be this -- that so many Americans were, for the first time since Kennedy, willing to vote for an out-and-out liberal. The country has always been filled with evangelicals -- that is not news. What IS news is that so many people have shifted toward a Massachusetts liberal. In fact, that's BIG news. Which means, don't expect the mainstream media, the ones who brought you the Iraq War, to ever report the real truth about November 2, 2004. In fact, it's better that they don't. We'll need the element of surprise in 2008.

Feeling better? I hope so. As my friend Mort wrote me yesterday, "My Romanian grandfather used to say to me, 'Remember, Morton, this is such a wonderful country -- it doesn't even need a president!'"

But it needs us. Rest up, I'll write you again tomorrow.

Yours,

Michael Moore

Jeremy: "You know that game Uno? Uno is Spanish for one!"

Ryan G.: "Monkeys are semi-smart, funny, and they throw their own poop. Yeah, they are so much like us humans."

Kritter: First I'm going to spear those two cops on the horses then I'm going to jump roundhouse kick that other cop in the face
Undercover cop: 10-4, we're going to need some more backup.
Kritter: Wait, you're a cop too?

Model Advice: 21 Ways To Snag a Model

Models have a reputation of being those unattainable lithe creatures with perfect skin that exist only on pages of glossy magazines and in swanky nightclubs. In reality, models are everywhere. They are also a lot easier to get to know than what you think. The most important thing to remember if you’d like to have a model in your life (and who wouldn’t – she can pose in lingerie) is to forget that she is a model. Treat her like a human being and try to pretend like you care what’s on her gorgeous mind.

Here are some rules to get you started:

1. Know where to hunt. If you usually go to sports bars, you chances of meeting that blonde from Guess ad are smaller than if you hang out at places like model agencies, posh restaurants, night clubs and photo studios. Do your research – read a gossip section of as newspaper to find out where the models are and go right there.

2. It helps to get the right job. Face it: photographers, producers, casting directors or cousins of any of the above have a higher chance of getting a quality lay. It helps to have a professionally done business card, too. You can use something mysterious, such as “entertainment professional” or “Vogue casting director” as a job description.

3. Don’t belittle modeling. Contrary to the popular belief, modeling is a hard work. It’s not just laying on the Bahamas beach while someone presses the camera button. There is a good amount of traveling, butt-kissing and money spending that these girls have to do before they get to where they are. Also, don’t forget that they have to wake up at 4am to be on time for that sunrise photoshoot on the Bahamas.

4. Pretend that you are not interested in sleeping with her, and she’ll rip your clothes off very quickly. Since 99.9 % of men are dying to sleep with her, it makes you very interesting, original and unapproachable. Most of us want what we can’t have.

5. Always pay for her. She’s used to it. Be prepared to spend a lot of money without getting a “thank you” or a kiss. As I said, she is used to it. If you don’t do it, some sleaze ball surely will. Treat her like royalty that she is. Don’t you like that look of jealousy on the face of the guy who’s sitting on your right? Being seen with a beautiful woman can be a very sexy feeling.

6. Some models tend to go for spiritual sensitive types with creative professions. Translation: if you’re broke you can still sleep with a supermodel. Write some poetry, boy!

7. If she takes you to a casting call, where hundreds of gorgeous hopefuls in miniskirts compete for modeling jobs, don’t drool and don’t act like you’re in heaven. Put an emotion of extreme disgust on your face while you are checking out those legs and breasts, then turn back to your model girlfriend and whisper, “ Those girls are nothing in comparison to You. They’re all ugly.” If you see a particularly delicious-looking butt, stare at it and tell your girlfriend to check out how fat it is. This way you get a chance to look at whatever you like, undisturbed.

8. Be attentive and always buy her gifts. The more they cost, the better. Once again, she is used to it. Alternatively, write a lot of poetry.

9. Listen. This one is probably the most important – don’t look at her breasts the whole time. Listen.

10. Complement each one of her features separately. Instead of saying “You are so beautiful,” say “You have the most beautiful eyes (lips, skin, freckles) I’ve ever seen.”

11. Don’t ask her to introduce you to her “model girlfriends.” All men do and she hates it.

12. Tell her that her personality and her brains are what really sets her apart from other women. Her beauty is just an added bonus, not the main thing that attracts you to her. Yeah, right! Are those long lean legs considered a personality trait?


13. Don’t comment on her height. She is a model because she is tall. You are an engineer, because you went to college. Get it? Also, if she likes to wear those slinky lack stilettos that make her exactly six feet three inches tall, don’t be insecure – chances are her agent told her to wear them and she’s just being obedient. What a good girl!

14. Don’t ask her to show you her modeling portfolio; wait until she volunteers to do it. A confident man is never overeager. Move slowly, like a tiger. When you do see the photos, don’t salivate over them. Don’t point at her highly airbrushed photo in a pink bikini and ask, “ Why don’t you look like that in real life, baby?” Models look a lot better on photos that they do in day-to-day situations, and Cindy Crawford made some money off of this sad fact. The supermodel released a book, where she openly explained what products she uses to make her face look like what we know and not what she wakes up with. Sorry to kill your illusions, but models are only mortals.

15. When you look at her portfolio, quickly flip over her sexy photos and stop at the ones where she looks natural. Tell her you like her natural look the best. Most models are insecure, because their job depends on whether or not they got a pimple on the left side of the forehead. She’d appreciate the fact that you find her sexy in jeans.

16. If you get a chance to see her walk the fashion catwalk, always mention that you were mesmerized by her beauty and her graceful walk. Then add that you like the way she walks from the kitchen to your bedroom even more. She’ll walk that way pretty soon.

17. Don’t show her off to your buddies. Chances are, many men have done that to her in the past, and this is why they are now history. Nobody likes to be treated as a beautiful “thing” and models are not an exception. If you are really dying to show her off, though, don’t tell your buddies that she is a model and make sure they don’t ask her any “modeling” questions, unless she is the one initiating the discussion.

18. Read People magazine before your date with her. Models are usually very well educated in the field of entertainment and celebrity-gossip. You are not likely to be as successful if you study the New Yorker before your romantic get together with your Gucci girl, although there are always exceptions.

19. She is on a diet. Accept it and don’t encourage her to eat, because her agent is telling her not to eat. Models have to be thin. Acknowledge it or move on.

20. Don’t tell her that you know a lot of models and that they are all your friends. It sounds like a cheesy bull. Unfortunately, a lot of great guys still use this line, crossing out their chances of hooking up with a model.

21. Tell her that you would like her even if she was ugly and 50 lbs heavier. It would give her the security of knowing that you are not in there just for her beauty. Don’t forget: with that evil modeling agent by her side, she is very unlikely to balloon, so speak freely.